This was done slightly less than a year ago. I'd been re-reading the last poem sent to me by a former friend of many years ago whom I had hurt beyond all belief without intending to. That same old absentee ...
Sense of loss and culpability kept me awake for several nights, during one of which this paisley brain-hemmorage happened....
here is the poem - and it is the angerless farewell of it that slaps me across the face every time I read it, the resignation in it.
Look back at photographs,
Cannot touch your face now,
Stretching out, back to that void I called home,
Spirit seek, back to the streets.
Reminds me of times when it wasn't quite so bad.
Palm trees crossed over shade,
smoke swimming to our tunes,
palms crossed for the sacred moment,
begging back at the moon.
Something lost in the sea of rust,
Something stolen from this world.
Everything, the worlds I stole,
Gave away more than I bargained for.
All moving flesh, Losing my ways.
Moving too fast, hardening...
Giving myself away.
The world, moving too fast,
Brickwork hardening again.
All such heartwork cashed away,
concrete glowing, golden haze...
Sewer side, A world of games.
Where I hid my spirits for better days.
Cashed in, losses cut now...
Little nothing, did I ever know...
And would I realize, ever now.
Silence taught me everything through you.
Prayers before your childhood toys,
Can't play that back to me,
A beauty in the alchemy.
Lost in the formula,
Sinking back into the floor.
Silent vessel, welcome home,
The bedroom floor waiting for me,
The tomb where you married the sea.
Following your grey lines,
And is that all that you know now?
All moving flesh, losing my ways,
Out of control, I know why,
Why you gave yourself away.
A crueler Nature than you knew,
I know the measures of that curse.
The nature left inside those words.
Dead dreams, left cold again.
Sacred lines drawn in the veins.
The silent vows, coming to me.
leading right back to the sea.
Leading right back to the streets,
I can't know what I want to see.
A better world than chasing dreams?
Right back, so far into your fears.
God animal, child begs for release,
Begging then, that I know peace.
Falling back into the dream.
And all the walls fall in on me.
Speak The mourning, dressed in blues,
Waving goodnights to the moon.
Waving farewells to the moon.
All my life I will be saying goodbye. I doubt I'll ever finish.
Yeah, I know the anatomy's fucked, the lighting makes no sense, her elbow is wonky in the extreme, and the whole piece is ugly and made uglier by the scanner eating the colours away but cest la vie.
say what you will, if you have anything to say. I like conversations.